I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
so explain again why im purple
no
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize