why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
