She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
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