Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize