At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
