i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
