well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I have already put on my inside pants.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
My vagina just clenched in fear
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
