apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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