I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
