the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
