Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
