life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Why can't burritos get me drunk
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize