How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Bring me that man meat
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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