Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
