i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
