I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
