I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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