I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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