phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize