wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
