Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
