I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
