There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
