She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
