As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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