I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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