I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
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