Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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