Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
