Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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