It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize