Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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