You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
