Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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