My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
