look no pants
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize