i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
