Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
You left your phone here
Wait...
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
