im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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