two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
