the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
My legs feel like baby dolphins
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
