He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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