Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
