The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
