During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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