well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Just high enough for therapy.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
