First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
