I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize