WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
