Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize