very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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