Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
