you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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