i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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