So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
