i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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