i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize