I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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