dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize