so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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