Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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