What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
