What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
