Your face is a jimmy john
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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