my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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