After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
