remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
