you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
