Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
