I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
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