Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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