there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
