But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
