Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize