dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
