I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I just found a bag of teeth...
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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