But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
